Have you seen the movie groundhogs day? That is how I feel about my grief. Every night I go to bed feeling a little bit better. Each morning I wake up feeling exactly the same way I felt on the days I lost my babies. Every morning I wake up afraid to roll out of bed to face the pain. Every morning I wake up scared, sad, and lonely. My Family is here with me, but I feel so alone in my emotions. There are days when the edge of the pain seems to have come off just a bit by the end of the day, and then there are days when I cannot run away from it all.
It can all seem to be just to much to bare. To much to feel. I wish I had more of a positive up lifting post for the day, but I really just want to be okay with feeling lousy. Yesterday I slept from 10 AM to 3:30 PM. It was as if my body shut down from it all. The body knows when things just get to be to much. My body knew to help me rest.
So the moral of my story this morning… its okay to just exist in pain and not run away from it. Its okay to just exist within your thoughts and be with them. Running away from all of it only numbs pain in the present moment, but no matter what that pain will be waiting for you to accept it and you will have to eventually feel it at some point.
Im no expert on grief. I am just sharing my experience with all of you in hopes that someone out there who is going through grief can grab on to any hope from my experiences.