These Jeans Do Not Define Me.



These are size 9 Jeans. This is not a story about how I used to wear these, got super fit and now wear a size 2-4. This is a story about a girl who over came the negative self talk in her head, got over her self, marched into the best Jean store in the mall and bought herself the size 9 she was afraid to buy. Hear me out!!

Six months ago I gave birth to my son who is now in heaven. Before that pregnancy I had lost 70 total LBS and went from a size 11 to a size 2 pant size. This in my head was a massive victory! For so long I let the number on the scale and the number on my jeans define me. I let it tell me how beautiful I was or was not. This was not intentional, but rather a subconscious way of thinking that has been instilled in me since being able to turn on the television and watch models talk about their size 0 jeans.

Through my last pregnancy I gained 40 LBS. Here I sit 6 months later pregnant with my 3rd baby! Yes that would be considered Irish twinning. I avoided buying jeans like the plague, but I wanted them so badly. I stayed in my leggings and baggy T-shirts and just yearned for the Jeans I really wanted to wear. What held me back? It was the fear of putting on any size higher than a size 4. I knew I was going to be a size higher than 4, and I didn’t want to face it. After all… I was letting the size of my Jeans define my beauty.

While shopping for our up coming leadership retreat I saw a clothing store with a pair of jeans hanging there. They were so so cute and I wanted to be able to wear them with all of my heart. As I stood there looking in the window at them I started to change my thoughts about myself.

“Anita, you know better. You know that the size of your pants do not define you. So what if you go up a size or 3 higher! You are so beautiful on the inside out. You are just as beautiful with a size up. You have curves, your body is doing incredible things by bringing life into this world. Go in there and buy those jeans you want and rock them with the self confidence you have built over the years.”

So I pulled my shoulders back, entered the store and asked for a 5,7, and a 9…

While biting my tongue, I try intensely to wiggle on the size 5 jeans. They barely make it over my calves. I then wiggle into the 7’s and they barely make it over my booty. I glide the size 9 jeans on like a perfect glove, and feel comfortable and confident.

The jeans looked amazing. Size 9 and all! I looked at myself in the mirror and said “You go girl. Look how far you have come. So what if these are 9’s… you rock those 9’s like a champ.” And with my self love in tact, I took my size 9’s to the counter and purchased them with pride.

Because the size of my pants do not define my beauty. The number on the scale says nothing about the beauty I have in my heart and my mind. Because the size of my booty does not negate the fact that I am a loving, kind, ambitious, Mother and Wife. These size 9 jeans reminded me of that and I am thankful!